20 Things Every Baby Boomer Loves — But Probably Shouldn’t!
Every generation of Americans will get a nickname that they live by. From the Greatest Generation to our current crop of Gen Xers, every generation has had to grow up and become molded by different circumstances. Today, we are going to take a moment to have fun with our beloved Baby Boomers. While there is contention between Baby Boomers and Millennials, where would we be without one another?
Let’s take a moment to have some fun with 20 things that every baby boomer loves — but probably shouldn’t!
Have you ever stopped and wondered why diamonds are so important? Really, think about it. Why are diamonds worth anything in our day-to-day lives? Even though they are marketed as a ‘girl’s best friend’, we would rather call them what they are — overpriced rocks pulled from the earth through blood labor in impoverished countries. Also, the diamond industry purposely keeps the market dry to keep prices high. Lame.
Crocs became a hilarious fashion trend almost a decade ago. Thankfully, the majority of us have moved on from this blight upon the footwear industry. Unfortunately, crocs are still somehow pretty popular among baby boomers. Maybe it is because crocs are resilient and easy to wear, as well as great in certain industries. We don’t know. We just don’t get it.
Weird Conspiracy Theories
Listen, conspiracy theories aren’t the sole province of baby boomers. We have found people young and old sharing conspiracy theories fit to shrivel our brains. However, baby boomers have a particular fascination for outdated and disproven conspiracy theories like the ‘fake’ moon landing or the Soviet Union secretly plotting the assassination of JFK. We suppose that conspiracy theories mirror the era that you were brought up in. That kind of makes sense, now that we think about it.
Seriously, WEIRD Conspiracy Theories
Even if it is understandable why baby boomers fall into conspiratorial rabbit holes, that doesn’t make them any less insane. Seriously, the rise of the QAnon movement should be proof aplenty that most conspiracies are bunk. This conspiracy involves a roleplayer on an anonymous message board writing vague tweets while boomers around the world try to retroactively fit said tweets into current events. Imagine Nostradamus making fortune cookies, then somebody analyzing every letter. Yeah, it’s that level of weird.
Shopping at the Mall
But wait, you argue, the mall is for teenagers! While that may be kind of true, it really isn’t. Baby boomers are the generation that made malls what they are today. Nowadays, with everything available on the internet, we doubt a trip to the mall is ever warranted. Besides, the coronavirus. C’mon guys, just order online for now!
The Heck is a Landline?
Landlines are a thing of the past, right? Because we swear that there is an entire generation of children that wouldn’t know how to operate a rotary phone. Still, we’ve been in our fair share of homes where landlines were still ringing in their cradle. It makes us sort of wistful, fond for a time and place. Oh well, back to Candy Crush.
We were prepared for a great many chores while in our youth and ironing clothing was certainly one of them. Now fully traversing the adventure that is adulthood, can you guess how many shirts we’ve ever ironed? For some reason, baby boomers love to iron clothing. Maybe it is important, now that we think of it.
Receiving Paper Bills
You only need to watch The Office to see how the paper industry has essentially folded in on itself in recent years. The same holds for paper bills. Digital billing and instant transactions have killed paper bills in the mail, and that’s a good thing. Unfortunately, most baby boomers are still getting their bills in the mail. Save a tree, folks!
Playing or Watching Golf
In the era of the coronavirus, we can’t really say that we are going to picky when it comes to live sports. That being said, the current pandemic would have to get much worse for us to enjoy watching or playing a game of golf. We’re sure there is something fun about the sport, we just can’t see it through our screens.
Writing in All Caps
Okay, so this generalization can fit just about any age group. Still, when we have a baby boomer as President of the United States, we are going to highlight some of his boomerisms! One of the most common baby boomer-isms that we’ve seen is writing in ALL CAPS. At one point in time, changing to uppercase meant SHOUTING. Now? We see all-caps as a font for the baby boomers.
Trusting Your Retirement Fund
It must have been nice growing up a time when you believed in the solvency of social security. Fortunately for most baby boomers, they will get to enjoy a retirement fund born from the fruits of their labor. Unfortunately for everybody that comes ever, that social safety net is unlikely to even exist. Enjoy it, ya’ll earned it!
The Worst Toast
If I had an avocado for every time I read an avocado toast joke about millennials, I’d be able to make a lot of avocado toast. While millennials may have an almost spiritual attraction to avocados, that beats the plain white bread and butter toast combo we’ve seen so many baby boomers enjoy. Miss us with that avocado judgment!
Watching NCIS During the Day
There comes a point in time when procedural cop dramas become all that you care about. We aren’t quite there yet, but the time must be coming because every baby boomer has a procedural drama that they love. From NCIS to Chicago Med and everything in between, there is an endless run of quippy detectives being cheered on by folks at home.
Going on Cruises
What could be better than going on a cruise? What do you mean? You’re essentially locked on a floating hotel while only allowed to leave your room for brief excursions? What’s that? We are going to constantly battle sea sickness as we try to scarf down our seafood buffet?
You know what, let’s just head to Vegas.
24/7 News Networks
Watching the news is important, especially when you are receiving information from a trusted source. Unfortunately in the era of 24/7 news, there are very few trustworthy sources. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop baby boomers around the country from funneling views and money to dangerous networks like Fox News.
The Notorious Jean Shorts
There is no such thing as the perfect outfit, nor is there such thing as the ‘right’ outfit. As taste is beholden to each individual, we can only speak from our own stance: jean shorts must never be worn in public. Grab a pair of canvas shorts to avoid looking like this fella. Or don’t and instead just own your style and be proud of how you look. Who cares?
Before the internet was a thing, baby boomers around the world got their shopping done by watching endless commercials via the QVC. Instead of looking for what you wanted, you just bought whatever was on television. It was weird back then and it is weird now. Just go to Amazon, guys. We can end infomercials together!
Fossil fuels were pretty cool when they were all that we had. Nowadays, we thankfully have an array of renewable energy sources that can change the complexion of the entire planet. Unfortunately, the older generations really love their gas-guzzling vehicles. We’re sorry Elon, it’s not quite time yet.
Hardcore Games of Raquetball
We kind of understand the game of racquetball and it even looks fun! What we don’t understand is this, why do you have to be a baby boomer to play it? Seriously, we’ve never seen a millennial play a game of racquetball unless they were joined by a baby boomer. This game looks intense and physically draining, so we have to give a round of applause to all of the active baby boomers.
Expensive Cable Packages
The internet has changed the very way that we consume our entertainment. From instant streaming to rampant piracy, people just aren’t going to need to pay for expensive cable packages. Don’t tell baby boomers that, though, as they are the ones paying for expensive cable packages from companies like Comcast.